Why it can (not) be a good idea to continue having sex with your ex.
It can be very tempting to keep sleeping with your ex. But is it a good idea?
Breakups are tough for most people. After the shock of the death of a loved one, leaving a relationship is one of the most traumatic experiences for many. Others experience it as a feeling of great freedom and a chance to start over.
One aspect is discussed relatively rarely, although it occurs surprisingly often: sex with the ex. Sometimes it just happens when he or she picks up their last items of clothes from you. Sometimes it becomes a regular affair because the two of you are just physically into each other, even though you know that the relationship would never work out in everyday life. Anyway, the question is, is sleeping with your ex a really good idea?
Of course it is your decision who you have sex with. And as long as things are clear between you, everything should be fine. But these are only in the rarest of cases. Typically, having sex with your ex is a sure ticket to even more frustration and hurt than the breakup already caused. The breakup of a long-term relationship can leave deep hurt in both partners and the connection is often very strong for a long time. This can take years to subside, but it has a particularly strong effect in the first few months after the separation.
Especially during sex. Assuming the bed wasn’t your problem or the reason for the breakup, then the temptation is great to continue sharing this part of life with someone who is still very familiar and who you know what you’re getting from. It becomes problematic when you try to use sex as a solution to your relationship problems. Hoping to win your ex back for instance. As a rule, this cannot and will not go well.
So if you’ve gotten to a point where breaking up is the best solution, having sex with your ex will tend to complicate things, but again – if you both want it and if it’s clear between you that it’s just sex, then it is OK.
You should just keep a few things in mind:
Why did you break up and who broke up? If you wanted the breakup but your ex is still grieving for you, sex with them can bring those feelings back with a vengeance and they may very likely view this as new hope. If they left you, the same can happen to you.
So if you still have feelings for your ex or just want to get intimate with them out of fear of being alone, think twice.
Didn’t you want to move on, set out for new shores, leave your past relationships behind and enjoy your newly won freedom? Keeping the sex going with your ex is the opposite of all that.
Even though you are separated, what is it that you are sharing now? An open affair where you can both have sex with other people as you choose? And if so, what about condoms?
Let’s look at the whole thing through your ex’s eyes:
Men are usually very easily attracted to sex with their ex-girlfriends. 3 reasons why this is so:
- You are familiar to him. He doesn’t need to impress you, doesn’t need to struggle to figure out what you like in bed, and he doesn’t need to worry about you freaking out when he whispers his favorite dirty little fantasy in your ear while he’s sleeping with you. All of this also applies to you and it is a weighty argument in favor of sex with your ex.
Disadvantage: The whole thing is pure comfort zone and keeps you both from seriously looking for a new partner or from clearing your mind and heart from a broken relationship.
- You are available and he wants you as a friend with benefits. As long as your ex isn’t a master seducer, he’ll appreciate the fact that having sex with you doesn’t involve a lot of dating effort. This also applies to you. Even if it might be easier for you as a woman to let yourself be seduced, you might not want that.
- He wants closure. “One last time sex” is more common than you think. It just doesn’t work most of the time. Sex always leads to more closeness and does not ensure that it is really over after the “very last time.” Because it’s actually not over when you have sex with each other. It’s another call for the possibility of more.Exception: If the sex was bad or at least a reason for the breakup, the “last time” after the breakup can be very sobering. Because bad sex is already difficult to bear in a relationship, and not at all afterwards.Conclusion:
Continuing to sleep with your ex CAN be fun, but very often it just delays the final breakup and makes things worse instead of better. Most of the time you worsen the chances of getting to know a new partner and letting them into your life on an energetic level. Or what if one of you meets a new partner? That’s why in most cases it’s better to draw a clear line, even if it’s hard at the moment and the temptations are heavy.
Have you ever been in this situation? Have you had a purely sexual affair with your ex? Leave us a comment on what happened.