Anyone who has already been through a serious breakup knows how painful a “broken heart” can feel and how long it can take to get over a relationship.
In our brains, separation pain is indistinguishable from “real” pain, according to researchers at Columbia University in New York. So heartbreak is real pain and that’s why we should also treat it with serious understanding towards those who have just broken up.
Because a separation is not only an end, but also always a new beginning, we will do our best to give you some facts about the breakup and the time after it.
Women and men deal with a breakup fundamentally differently and go through different feelings so we will focus a bit more on the woman’s side of the breakup.
Except for cheating and moving to another city, women’s reasons for breaking up are very similar and they tend to influence each other: Losing feelings for each other will almost always lead to less romance and more arguments.
As far as the process and the consequences of a separation are concerned, the new communication options and social media networks have raised questions that did not exist in the past: Although nowadays almost every form of communication is carried out via SMS, email or mobile phone, the clear majority (93 %) agree that you should never “break up” via your cell phone or computer.
71.5 percent would completely delete the ex-partner’s contact from their mobile phone, which is a total cut in our time if you ask yourself how many phone numbers you still know by heart. Also around 72 percent would immediately throw the ex out of the digital circle of friends on Facebook so as not to be reminded of the relationship again by their status reports and potentially associated posts. About half of all respondents would publish their new relationship status on Facebook.
This brings us to the most important part of our discussion, the positives and why a breakup is a completely normal, even necessary, experience.
Sometimes it takes a “big bang” to tackle painful but important changes. Because simply ‘because you felt like it’, rarely influences you to change important things in your life. A well-known mountaineer once said: “He who leads a life without deep valleys will never scale the highest peaks.” 84% of those surveyed take a similar view and state that a breakup is a good time to develop yourself and work on your own personality and life goals.
Even if the pain of separation almost drives you insane at the beginning and you can’t even imagine getting over your ex-partner, you should consider that a first love that lasts forever belongs more in the realm of romantic comedies and fiction novels. The majority of us will have to go through one or more separations in life. Statistically, a woman will have her heart broken twice before she finds her life partner. Some couples’ therapists see this process as a necessary “growing up” that is essential to a lasting relationship.
We didn’t choose these tips at random, because if you want to get over a relationship, you should focus on two aspects: distraction and “happy hormones.” From a scientific point of view, a relationship is not so dissimilar to drug addiction, and to break free of it you have to defeat and in some cases trick your brain.
After a relationship, dopamine and endorphin levels plummet, resulting in a depressed and down mood. Indulging in a large helping of chocolate ice cream is a pretty logical response in this case, as it sends dopamine levels skyrocketing. Exercising, sunbathing and spending time with friends have a similar effect.
Properly pronouncing it with friends or family helps to distance ourselves from the relationship and helps our brain to better “understand” the breakup. If you explain to someone exactly how the breakup came about, you are indirectly explaining it again to your own subconscious. Over time, our subconscious understands the breakup better and associates more positive feelings with it.
Under no circumstances should you fall into self-destructive behavior patterns after a breakup. Eating away frustration, drinking excessively, or having a lot of one-night stands will only make you more miserable in the long run. You shouldn’t give up hope either. Eventually you get over it and fall in love again. Even those who still love their ex can hope. Sometimes breakups happen because of an unfortunate circumstance or because of a misunderstanding.