After a breakup, it’s easy for your ex to get in touch as you’re still somewhat breaking the attachment.
But what should you do?
Especially if you’ve already moved on.
The first question is: How does the ex contact you? Does he or she call? Or do they suddenly text you by phone, or DM you via Facebook or Instagram? In many cases, the outreach is through texting. The confusion quickly kicks in with all types of questions, curiosity and suspicion. What is your ex trying to achieve here?
The good thing is, if your ex writes to you, then you have every opportunity to think about a response in peace and give a reply if and whenever you are ready to.
Most of the time, the ex-partner gets in touch for one of four reasons:
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He or she misses you and is consciously or unconsciously looking for a way back to you. On one hand, this is a very good sign and it often happens that the partner who broke up wants to come back to you for a short time. But be careful: If you make it TOO easy for him or her now and they get the feeling that they will get you back immediately, then there is a high risk that they will change their mind again. Or that they’ll break up with you in two weeks because it’s so easy to win you back. That’s why you should never make it too easy for your ex-partner. Of course, you shouldn’t make it impossible either, so that you don’t run them off completely. Find your medium in the middle.
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Maybe your ex-partner “only” contacts you because he or she just wants to know how you are doing. Maybe he or she waits for a special occasion, your birthday, Christmas or other notable day to reach out to you. But here, too, a kind of “unconscious missing” often plays its part. Your ex doesn’t want you back (yet), but if you play your cards right, you can make them feel like they’re missing you. At this point, we cannot go into all the depths of how you create this feeling, but in a nutshell, you create this feeling through a mixture of familiarity and closeness on the one hand and charming strangeness on the other. You create this “charming strangeness” by working on yourself, by taking your life back into your own hands, by using the separation to work on yourself. To strengthen. There is nothing more attractive than that.
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Your partner may contact you for organizational reasons, for example because there is something to be arranged. Because you still have things to exchange. Or because there are bills to pay or other pragmatic situations at hand that involve both of you. It is crucial that you are extremely relaxed and solution-oriented in this matter. Do not exploit such requests for overly clumsy attempts at recapture, as this will backfire. So, if your ex is just reaching out because he/she wants their stuff, don’t try to bombard them with memories of the good old days. This type of behavior too obvious and your ex is more likely to withdraw, shut down and look to escape ASAP! The number one rule to abide by when your partner wants to exchange things: be 100% factual and cooperative, prepare everything optimally, and don’t prolong the appointment. Winning your ex back is a marathon, not a sprint (although it can sometimes be surprisingly quick). The day things are exchanged or accounts are closed is not the best day to rekindle positive emotions. Use it best for yourself by being as solution-oriented, cordially friendly as possible. You can appear a bit depressed or sad, but you must not cling or show desperation. Better to act a little TOO detached and matter-of-fact on this day than too whiny or needy.
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The last possible case is that your ex-partner contacts you after a very long time (e.g. after about a year or more) to see how you are doing. If the feelings between you have subsided and he or she suddenly contacts you after a very long time, there can be two reasons: He or she really just wants to know how you are doing and how your life has developed. Or he or she is still interested in you and would like to get in touch. You can only find this out by meeting with him or her to really get a feel for their true intentions and also to see how you feel in the situation. A lot can change in a year or so.
Basically, it can be said that there are a number of reasons why your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend are suddenly contacting you. It’s easiest for you if it happens by text (SMS, Whatsapp, Facebook, etc), because you have more control over the next move with time and space to think about your response. The challenge is a little bigger when your ex suddenly calls. But don’t be afraid of this situation. Feel free to answer the phone when you can, but don’t answer if you aren’t in a situation where you cannot speak. And of course, there is always the chance that you may happen to accidentally run into your ex on the street or wherever.
It is important that you are optimally prepared, mentally, emotionally and strategically for this situation. In this case, nothing can happen to you and you use this chance meeting for yourself and your personal gain. Always remember to stay in your power, do not give it away. This creates positive attraction and a fresh infatuation, which gives you the best chances of getting your ex back in your arms again.